The Mad Bastard Scooter Rally 2017

The word Mad can be defined as two things: Pissed-Off Ragey-Angry or Batsh**t Crazy.

So what does it take to be a Real Mad Bastard?

Attitude. With an explosion of the latter definition. Add a zany costume, and an even nuttier bike and it doesn’t get as real as this.

As a veteran of The Mad Bastard Scooter Rally, I’ve ridden the go-round four times and it’s always different type of fun. Different roads, different bikes, different costumes, the one constant being a huge dose of Capital B Bonkers.

Gonzo. Toys in the attic. Bats in the belfry. A few sandwiches short of a full picnic.

It’s what it takes to ride little two-wheeled machines 600+ kilometres within 24 hours, stopping for mad clues in an insane loop that traverses all kinds of roads.

Scooters of all shapes and sizes are welcome, as well as mopeds and small shifty motorcycles under 110cc. The bikes are divvied up according to displacement and are given a time allotment in which to finish:

• Straitjacket Class (24 hours) – All scooters and mopeds up to 50cc in capacity
• Heavily Medicated (20 hours) – All scooters greater than 50cc but no greater than 110cc
• Therapy Required (18 hours) – Scooters greater than 110cc but no greater than 200cc
• Day Release (16 hours) – Scooters greater than 200cc

It’s a rally that definitely favours the hardiest of the Iron Butts – riders in the 50cc class, with Mad Points awarded for just showing up. This year, I was there just to take pictures, which was good, since the cards were definitely stacked against my 500cc Yamaha Tmax, no matter how fast it went.