Last month I published a post titled, 5 Online Dating Do’s and Don’ts for Bikers, written for men, but by a woman. It seemed so… incomplete.
In this article, Online Dating Tip for Motorcyclists, I’m going to tackle dating advice from man to man: confronting the most common resistance that men face from women, sharing my one and only golden tip for dating, the mindset that works for me, and how I started getting women that I used to think were out of my league.
Would you get advice on cooking steak from a vegetarian?
I mean, if she’s a professional chef, she could probably teach you a thing or two. But how many vegetarian professional chefs do you personally know?
Both sexes can offer each other some insights into their own gender, but very few people can fully understand the unique experiences of the other gender. That’s why I wanted to offer a male-perspective follow-up to 5 Online Dating Do’s and Don’ts for Bikers.
Who am I?
I’m average looking, average height, and on the skinny side, but for the majority of my twenties I was dating and hooking up with women who you probably would have considered out of my league.
I’m sharing my one golden dating tip with you, because I promise you that if you follow it, you’ll not only have success with women, but also success with life. I’m not trying to sell you anything, I’m just trying to help.
How many times have you or your friends heard these lines before?
Women have some go-to lines for offering resistance, or outright rejecting men, and that’s totally fair and okay. We’ve all either heard these ourselves, or know a guy who has:
“I don’t date coworkers.”
“I have plans with my friends that day.”
“I’m not really looking to date right now.”
“I don’t know you well enough to give you my phone number.”
“I need to be more comfortable before I go over to your place.”
The thing is, if you’re hearing the same line over and over again, or even just a few times, from different women, the common denominator is you. These women aren’t all the same, but they’re all trying to tell you something, and you’re not getting it.
Men and women communicate differently
You might not be getting what women are trying to tell you because more often than not, women communicate more covertly, and men communicate more overtly. That means women can be too indirect for men, and men can be too direct for women. Think about it. It’s why you’ll hear women complain that men just don’t get it, and men complain that women are just too sensitive.
It’s not that one is better or worse than the other, we’re just wired differently. The thing is, a lot of men can’t figure out what a woman’s rejection really means for them.
Spoiler: She didn’t “already have plans.” She just didn’t want to hang out with you.
We aren’t completely different, though
In fact, given that we’re both human, men and women have a lot of similarities: We both classify people and things, and we create rules, and when it seems worth it, we’re both happy to break our rules. The breaking rules part, that’s when life gets fun. Here’s an example:
You have a big day at work tomorrow and promised yourself you’d be home by midnight from your dinner out. Along the way, a woman approaches you on the street. Her silhouette looks attractive. She says her boyfriend just left her for another woman. She’s staying a few blocks away and propositions you: One night, no names, no strings, no catch. The lights of a passing car shine in her direction, and now you can see her face.
We make rules, and we break them
Scenario 1: After seeing her face, you suspect she may be a meth head, with some sores on her face. That opening attraction you had fizzles out. You’ll say, “Sorry, I’m not the hookup type,” and be happy to be in bed alone asleep by midnight as planned.
Scenario 2: She’s Kate Upton, and she looks stunning. Your attraction has doubled. You can’t believe this is happening to you. You couldn’t care less about getting any rest tonight, or about getting any work done tomorrow. You’ll throw away your self-created rules for a night with her.
My #1 and only dating tip: Be the man she wants to break her rules for
The proposition was an example to illustrate that people will make rules for the people they see as “beneath” them, and they’ll break rules for the people they see as “above” them.
Your goal is to be a man worth her wanting to break her rules for.
Rules are created for those who fall beneath her standards
If she’s telling you she doesn’t date co-workers, it means she doesn’t have a co-worker she considers worth dating.
If she says she isn’t looking to date right now, it means you’re not in her consideration set.
If she says she won’t give you her number or come over to your place, it means you haven’t created enough attraction in her.
The key is attraction, but it doesn’t come from your appearance or physique
How many times have you heard a woman say, “he’s a nice guy, but there just wasn’t a spark there”? She’s talking about attraction. Attraction is a lot like motorcycling: It’s 80% mental, 20% physical.
What you really need to do, before you even sign up for that dating site, is work on yourself first.
Make yourself your mental point of origin and change your mindset
Got a party coming up this weekend? When your only focus is meeting a woman, they’ll smell the desperation and disperse. Throw away that “What am I going to do meet a girl?” mentality, and start focusing on a new question: “What am I going to do to be my best self?” Make self-improvement your new focus, but do it for you.
If you’re all about self-improvement with the end goal being to impress someone else, when you get that person you’ll just fall back to your old habits, because your motivation is gone, and when you go back to old habits, that’s when she’ll lose interest in you.
Instead, internalize the will to wake up better every day. You’ll become a better, smarter, stronger, kinder, more valuable, and more attractive man. The kind of man she’ll eagerly want to break her rules for, without you even having to chase or ask for a thing.
The girl you admire from afar could actually be yours
In university I used to work with a young woman who was five years older than me. She was spectacular and could light up a room. I told myself I had no chance and was just happy that we worked on the same team.
Years earlier this never would have happened if I had approached her or made a move. She would have written me off because I just didn’t have the successes and self-confidence to play at her level. Confidence doesn’t come from a pep-talk or reading dating tips online. You earn confidence by beating odds, overcoming challenges, and reaching goals.
In other words, if you want to level up, you have to put in the work.
The more you earn your confidence, the more women will break their rules for you
We dated for most of that summer and then stopped because, quite frankly, I saw the changes in how women treated me and realized that I had more and better options than just her.
“I would never do that on the first date.” became “Oh my God, I never do this on the first date, I swear! Hehehe.” (Yeah, sure…)
“I never date guys younger than me.” became followed by “but you seem to have your shit together.”
“My friend is waiting for me.” became followed by “I’ll text her that I’m running late.”
And “You’re going to need to put on protection.” Well… it became optional.
I had put in the work and shown my value. All the resistance I used to face, in the form of self-imposed rules and excuses, just disappeared.
When you’re worth it, she’ll eagerly break her rules for you, without you even asking
Become the man worth breaking rules for, and she will break them for you, without you even having to ask, because it’s what she genuinely wants for herself. She wants to break her rules with you.
There’s no magic pick-up line, dating profile formula, or advice from a woman that can compete with being the man who she really genuinely wants to be near.
Get out and grow
Stop browsing the net and make a plan to put in the work and be your best self. Do that for three months. See how much better your life gets. Make a new plan for the next three months. Just keep going after that.
You’ll be surprised how much your whole world will change when instead of chasing women, you’re chasing excellence. You move yourself up a level or two, and it’s magnetic: they’ll come to you.
Don’t waste your time on online dating sites like BikerKiss aimed specifically at motorcyclists. We tested them and they turned out to be nothing but a scam.
Of course, when you do meet a wonderful woman, take part in each other’s interests. Here are some tips from Pillioness that can help your new woman understand how to date a biker.