The Mad Bastard Scooter Rally is like your crazy ex: You’ll call it foul names, find yourself caught up with it in situations you’ll regret in the morning, and no matter what you do to protect yourself this rally will be a pain in the butt.
For some of us, leather and cruisers just aren’t hardcore enough, and crotch rockets just don’t capture the true essence of riding. We are the few, the strong, the proud. We are the Mad Bastards, and this is our story.
The Mad Bastard Scooter Rally route is roughly 700 km, designed to be completed on small-displacement scooters. Many participants compete on 50cc scooters barely capable of cruising at 70 km/hr in ideal conditions, and the rally is far from ideal. To make matters worse, the suspension and ergonomics of these inner city scooters weren’t designed with a Mad Bastard Rally in mind. Over 10 hours non-stop riding, even when broken up, is a whole lot of sore tush.
The ride is organized and sponsored by KYMCO Canada and a sadistic bastard named Rob, a.k.a. CMG Online‘s Editor ‘Arris. The route is planned and scouted months in advance and kept secret until the night before the rally. All proceeds raised go towards Kids Help Phone, more info at the official Mad Bastard Scooter Rally site.
Participants (the would-be Bastards) are competing for “Mad Points” awarded based on outfit, activities, and challenges along the rally. Many scooters break down along the way or find their riders give up from the rain, pain, hot, cold or just plain old common sense. The Mad shall inherit the earth.
Why all the secrecy and punishment? In 2009, KYMCO Canada donated a Super 9 scooter as the prize bike. For 2011, KYMCO upped the ante and donated a KYMCO People S 125 scooter capable of cruising at over 100 km/hr.
Mad Bastard Scooter Rally Breakdown & Advice
Friday – Arrive, check in, get your welcome package and try out some scooter demo rides. Don’t forget to buy raffle tickets, there are always lots of prizes to be had!
Hint: Your welcome package comes in a ziplock bag for a reason.
Tip: Have a short of hard liquor, a glass of water, and then go to sleep early. Wake up is at 4 AM.
Saturday – You’ll wake up at the crack of stupid for morning breakfast and departure. Rally participants take off at timed intervals as all riders rally times are being recorded.
Hint: Don’t miss your start time, and remember scooters run out of gas often.
Tip: Have your scooter as packed and ready as you can the night before, and then get ready for the pain.
While on the road be prepared to face everything you’ve ever, and everything you’ve never seen before, both on the road and off. The after party (assuming you survive) is worth the pain. Have a toast to your fallen friends, tomorrow you’ll be crowned Mad Bastards.
Sunday – You’ll look at the person to the left of you, and the person to your right, and realize you’ll never see them the same way again. You won’t go home the same person either.
Hint: The presentation is worth waking up for, and you just might get an award too!
Congratulations! You just rode 700 km on a scooter, dressed up in a costume, hauling ass and making an ass of yourself all along the way. Take a bow, Mad Bastards. We are the ballsiest riders on two wheels, and we’ll be back in 2013.